women shouldn't mess with their skin - but here I am

Uh, what the hell happened to my face?

Dehydration, hormones, sun exposure & time

Symptoms
Acne on hairline, nose & jawline (not new)
Fuzzy (not new)
Pigmentation issues
Sahara like flaking & tightness by mid day if I forget to moisturize

COMMERCIAL PRODUCT FUN

Randomly trying different products that are commercially available is a fun adventure that has never resulted in anything quite right.


Face wash

I have always hoped there would be a face wash that I would call "the one". I try & try again.

Neutrogena makes a "natural" face wash that smells exactly like Clorox greenworks products.

Grams looked good for her age, but Noxema isn't the answer.

There is an argan oil & mint face wash that I apply using a konjac sponge & hot water is as good as it gets. It doesn't seem to dry out or anger my skin. I wouldn't say I feel like it's improving my skin, but I've settled for not making things worse.

Face scrubs

Everything I've tried has had the same result. The texture is grainy, but it doesn't give that exfoliating feeling. In fact, the skin feels more dry after use. I've considered using sanding paper instead, but I think that might be going too far.


Moisturizers

You never know which one may burn & blister skin. You never know how much you undervalue the right side of your nose until you have a painful monstrosity that hurts. If people were judging whether to burn someone at the stake, things could have been toasty warm to the point of uncomfortable.

Oil of olay leaves my skin feeling like the equivalent of the walk of shame after a one night stand. Maybe it felt good at the time, but afterwards there is a slimy sensation and you feel like you won't look the same in the mirror. Nothing looks different, but you know what you did.

Smelly that doesn't quite absorb isn't the worst that could happen. I suppose if you can get past feeling like there is a layer of wax preparing you for Ripleys, it isn't the worst experience. I am finding I have a sense of humor & acceptance about aging, but I'm not quite ready to smell like formaldehyde.

Watery but soothing is acceptable...until you wake up with what looks pretty close to black eyes.


Sun protection

Melanin deprived skin requires trying everything as far as sun protection.

One won't do a thing and you get a lovely shade of red radiating heat.

Another will be slimy when first applied then result in the pepperoni experience.

There are the ones that use zinc oxide that have a hint of chalk hovering a millimeter above the skin including a pasty aura that will gather in random odd shapes.

Of course all of them require a precise application so as not to have burning in the eyes. Don't forget to be conscious of contact when kissing a spouse goodbye. Perhaps colleagues will hold back a bit on riding him because he looks like he's about to break into tears? Maybe the fire eyes aren't that bad.


THE DIY EXPERIENCE

With all this luck, I'm venturing on my own do it yourself experimentation. No science was used in this process...or is there. Did any of you show up to chemistry or biology? I loved environmental science, and dreamed of being a hippie architect...and then I realized I am neither handy nor can I draw a straight line, nor can I visualize a building using drafting.

I haven't braved a diy face wash. I haven't quite accepted there is a possibility of a better option. It's kind of like having a tolerable relationship because you don't want to shave or wear heels anymore.

Face scrub scrubby part of mix

White sugar feels like I have resorted to the sandpaper, with the added bonus of the slight sticky feeling.

Powdered sugar - I am a prude where some lines have been drawn in intimate relations of yore. Sperm on my face is one of those things that I know porn stars will let happen, but it's just too gross for me to have ever let it happen. Now that I have used confectioners sugar mask, I am pretty sure I ended up having very close to that experience. If you feel like you are going to throw up in your mouth after reading this, you may thank me for taking one to the face for the team. ICK!

Brown sugar smells nice, but I don't feel like anything happened.

Baking soda reminded me of a sunburn that would occur if you passed out in the Texas sun & woke up to the sound of your flesh boiling in sweat that had soaked a towel. I suppose burning a layer of skin off your face is close to doing a tca peel at home, without the comfort of the master aesthetician who knows what you use afterwards to properly return your skin to a reasonable ph balance.

Coffee
Let me say coffee & I have a long established love affair. There is that moment in a horrible dysfuntional household where you smell the coffee but no one is quite awake enough to yell at or hit each other. It's that warmth before the freezing mile long walk to the bus in waist deep snow. It's the hangover cure for that anorexic phase of your life because you don't eat greasy food, but you can justify the calories in cream & sugar substitute. It provides me with the ability to speak when I feel like I can't bear the idea of the eternity of my work week.
I grab a tin of mjb for my face scrub. I like quality coffee, but I'm not worried about the quality of the bean for this. Once again, coffee saves the day.

Cocoa - Those antioxidants are like a lover who knows just how to touch you.

Cinnamon - Supposedly astringent, anti fungal & helps with nicotene addiction (oh nicotene I miss you so. you were worth every sinus infection).

Face scrub add on fails

Blueberry - stained my face a bit purple (oompa loompa oompa dee doo) - bad

Tumeric - stained orange, since I don't aspire to be the tall Utah version of Snooki, I see no point


Moisturizers - So far, I've only been willing to attempt non comedogenic oils.

The good

Hemp seed oil - Upon application, this oil initially gives my skin a bit of a sheen, but left alone my skin resembles the crypt keeper. My skin is still moisturized by the end of the work day. It does need to be kept in the fridge, but I like the oil so much I truly don't care.

Argan oil - it's a sneaky oil. too much and you are slick like a slip & slide. If you don't put enough, it's like forgetting your fuzzy socks on vacation. Sure you can live without them, but it just gives you a cozy feeling.

Aloe - I have pale eyes & am melanin deprived. Combine that with no short term memory and being unlikely to remember the basic necessities of life like food and wearing the appropriate amount of clothing for the season (the thermal hoodie in 80 degree means I still have my favorite hoodie with me), the odds of my remembering the dangers of the sun aren't grand. Even if I do remember a hat to go outside, it's still a good idea to have a little extra healing.

Citrus essential oil - If  I were to choose a scent to go with the earbug song "I'm walkin on sunshine", this would be it.  Of course any scent is personal preference.

The meh

Zinc oxide - This is a newer addition to the rotation. I'm not in love with adding a whiter shade of pale to a Canadian honky. Saying saltine-american might be overstating the amount of pigment I have. That being said, attempting to prevent the melanoma is probably a good idea.

Shea butter
It's also recent addition to the mix. I like the texture it gives, but I'm not in love. I don't know how to explain it, but it seems like it hinders the absorption of the other oils. I am optimistic it may be that I still need to experiment with ratio. I haven't given up on it.

Oatmeal - in the bath it's very soothing, on the face I don't find it makes a difference if it's in the mix or not, so why bother?

The bad

tumeric - stains my face yellow-orange, like jaundice meet fake tan

blueberries - stain my face blue-purple, burple is not a good look

Clary sage - If I had to choose between bleach, pine sol & clary sage as a fragrance, I'd choose clary sage, although it isn't terribly different from pine sol.

Future possibilities

Beeswax, Carrot seed oil, Raspberry seed oil all claim to have spf. British Columbia claims that they have a lake monster called the Ogopogo. Although there is a statue of the Ogopogo, I believe that it's about as likely for me to see the live Ogopogo as having spf protection due to these oils.

Beeswax - It's on my radar because I think beekeeping is a sacred experience, one of which I have no interest due to the possibility of getting stung, but sacred nonetheless.

Carrot seed oil - vitamin e, vitamin c, possible free radical protection. Living in the valley of smog a.k.a SLC, grosses me out, but the superficiality of LA & the fastidious pace of NY seem unnerving too, so if I'm picking my poison I might as well be somewhere with a reasonable cost of living.

Mango butter - if memory serves correctly, mango butter leaves more of a sheen than shea butter. Since I'm not in love with shea butter, and I'm not willing to consider just store bought butter, mango seems like a reasonable next step.

Raspberry seed oil - essential fatty acids, vitamin e, antioxidants, claims of increased circulation.

Sunflower seed oil- Vitamin A, C, D & E sounds like a fun alphabet soup. My sister likes sunflowers. I like my sister. So logically, I should try sunflower oil.

Mixtures thus far

AM - 3T Hemp seed oil, 3T Shea butter, 3 t zinc oxide sunblock, 1T argan oil, 1T aloe, a few drops citrus burst essential oil - meh, but sun protection. I suspect portions may be part of the meh-ness, but I get the feeling that neither shea nor zinc oxide would have the potential to feel absorbed.

PM
3T Hemp seed oil, 1T argan oil, 1T aloe. I like it. It doesn't seem to be doing anything to help with my pigmentation issues, but it feels nice.

3T Hemp seed oil, 1T argan oil, 1T aloe, shea butter. At this point I'm beginning to suspect shea butter isn't going to feel absorbed

I didn't keep track of volumes with scrub

favorite scrub thus far
I kind of wonder if I should use less ingredients, but if it's not broke, probably shouldn't try to fix it. aloe, argan, coffee, cinnamon, cocoa, hemp seed oil, shea butter

meh - brown sugar, oatmeal & hemp seed oil, didn't really feel like it was doing any scrubbing during use, less sticky than white sugar,

nope - blueberry, aloe, hemp seed oil & white sugar - felt like sandpaper during use, left me feeling sticky, stained slightly purple but not exfoliated

to sum up
my favorite ingredients are hemp seed oil, cocoa, coffee, cinnamon, aloe vera gel & argan oil
keeping track of measurements of ingredients isn't my strong suit.
if someone reads this (and no one would read this) & ruins their face, I would be amused & then sad.
if anyone ever read this (by some odd misadventure with the ghost in the machine) and someone found it helpful, that would be baffling, but would make me happy-ish

Countdown to Ca

Less than 2 weeks to see some California family. I'm so excited to see G & Mak! We're staying with Margie & Grandma. I must see my Goleta Lunas (Sue, Gil & A). I feel a little overwhelmed about trying to coordinate all of it, but each hug will be amazing!
I'm plotting to visit Mina in Alaska. It feels like I've been trying to make it happen forever,  but it's beginning to look like a real possibility. Jc has been setting the money aside for it. He's such a loving husband!
I have gotten all my id paperwork done. Next step is to get my passport & travel off this continent. I have no clue where I want to go 1st. I've wanted to see Paris since I was small. Now that I'm grown I'm not sure. I know Grandma Rosie said Scandinavia. There are many things that I look back & regret I failed to follow her advice. I think JC wanted to see Jerusalem, and although it never occurred to me before, that sounds like it could be an amazing experience. Of course,  life happens while you're making plans. Maybe I'll get my passport & there will be an opportunity that comes up to see Bangkok, Sidney or ???
Of course, past all these traveling dreams,  I need to figure out how to enjoy the day to day reality. Jc & Molly are wonderful. Work is kind of weird. I feel like I would be great at the actual work if I could just figure out how to have normal direct social interaction - which is absolutely unnerving. It's like I'd be great at the job except for my personality. And yes,  I am up at this hour because I have anxiety about how to reformat myself to be someone who "plays well with others". I need to get past my cynicism about it & make it happen. The idea of how to incorporate the necessary soft skills for work and still being genuinely myself is daunting. The opportunity wouldn't arise if there wasn't a possible solution.
Time to attempt a quick nap before work.
Mj